Deep down there is a belief that a profession in vulnerability would have been the right choice and I could have been a contender. It all bubbles up and down ,still there but all along but no one, including myself seemed to really notice or take it seriously because there were gaps of knowledge and confidence.
So wandering off led to a very long road which with all the right turns and defeating disappointments led to here and there and now a stopping place where there are so many thoughts and dreams and memories and gaps in those memories that is almost funny.
Baffling.
Despite the loss of some of the unwritten songs that should have been belted out and too little and too late training in something poetic like a profession in vulnerability that would have been exciting, I managed.
Barely.
Yet no regrets because it all happened in a different parallel with all the fun and meaning still intact and it left me at the end of the time used up and battered about but glad enough and relieved there was just enough of me left to have the time to take each shattered piece and give it a turn in the sun and then shade and hide a bit of it in the dark and try to find something to say that matters in a time of strange human tragedy and confusion.
Writing.
An Embarrassment of Freedom 
Hope you know how valuable you are for who you are, sounds like its been a tough winter where you are and this would probably make anyone a little creaky but longer, warmer days on the way. Hope you feel happier soon